The Outsider
by WildMath55
Summary: We all know how your typical self-insert Touhou fic goes: no questions are asked, the OC is blessed with good luck and babes, everybody worships them, and they never, ever think about returning home. Naturally, there are going to be exceptions to this standard... victims of fate, made into playthings by a wicked god, who wants nothing more than for their lives to be normal again.


AN: Wow. Finally someone asked it. I'm actually waiting for it. Thanks, BedrockSolid. So, this is the very story that inspires me to join FanFiction as writer. This story was written by Savato93, and officially deleted from this site as of April 20th, 2018. Now, I'm republishing it. You will see why I add Lucy, formerly known as Luke here, to my story, Wild Nerd's Strange Life Saga. It might surprises you, but I'm not aware that my current lack of updates there would be considered as hiatus… Let me tell you that I'm easily distracted. Right now, one thing that distracts me the most is alternate history topic, especially Hearts of Iron IV. It's the basis for Return of Blitzkrieg Gensokyo, a new story inspired from Lt. Colonel Summers' Fantasy Blitzkrieg discontinued series. I shouldn't bother you any further. Then, without further ado! (Yep, the same I used for Wild Nerd's Strange Life Saga)  
PS: Except some additional comments from Yasei and Lucy.

**The Outsiders Chapter 1  
****Taken**

The day started off fairly normally—with me waking up at around noon. I spent fifteen minutes getting dressed, eating breakfast, and downing my daily medications, before setting myself down on the couch, personal high-grade laptop in hand.  
The next hour consisted of bouts of annoyance and many rage-quits as I had my ass repeatedly handed to me online, sat through the ending of _Mass Effect 3_, and checked up on flame wars that I had typically sparked with one poorly-timed or badly-worded comment. My personal favorite of those wars was a long string of swears, arguments and counter-arguments that I recently triggered on YouTube when I accidentally mixed _can_on with _fan_on.  
Having had my fill of sci-fi and role-playing, it was time for me to turn to one of my other pastimes: danmaku, namely, Touhou. Simple in concept, complex in design, and my mind turned from tactics and superior firepower to intricate bullet patterns as I burned through youkai with relative ease.  
I was at peace… That is, until I suffered my third consecutive _game over_ at the hands of Yukari Yakumo.

Fuming, I deftly shut my laptop and dropped it on the couch next to me, picking up the television remote. I flipped through a few channels before settling on _Mythbusters_. Leaning back in the reclining seat, I whistled for my pet dachshund Rozie to hop up into my lap.

Just as the puppy made herself comfortable, a very loud sound akin to tearing fabric reached my ears. Instantly, she sprang up and shot out the pet door whimpering. Grumbling, I called out, "Alright, what happened, mom?"

After three seconds with no response, I remembered: both my parents had left for work before I had even woken up, leaving me home alone. Assuming the worst, I rushed into the kitchen and grabbed the biggest knife I could find.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you…" An unfamiliar girl's voice cooed behind me. I wheeled around, hatchet raised, only to spot a flash of violet in the corner of my vision.  
"Mythbusters, eh?" The voice echoed in a mocking tone. "Entertaining show, great concept… you seem to have good taste. However, they never really touch the topic of the _supernatural_, do they…?" Taking a blind guess, I adjusted my grip on the hatchet and pitched it over my shoulder. There was a cry of surprise, and I heard the sound of ripping cloth again. What was that sound?  
"Hey, that was uncalled for." I must have missed. The girl was obviously annoyed now.  
"You know what else is uncalled for? Sneaking into my house and playing mind-games with me!" I shot back.  
"Oh, come on. A girl can't have some fun?"  
"My house, my rules. If you want to complain, show some modesty and do it face-to-face."  
"Who do you think you are to order me around!?"  
"I'm the man who gonna throw another knife at you if you don't get the hell out." Bad move. The floor suddenly gave out underneath me, dropping me into the abyss.

It was the massive, staring, unblinking eyes surrounding me that tipped me off on one very crucial fact: I had just pissed off Yukari Yakumo.

(Yasei: "For real, Lucy?" Lucy: "How'd you expect me to know it's her who came to my house?")

XXXXX

I spent a few minutes floating through Yukari's void, occasionally looking around but keeping my eyes shut for the most part. I could definitely see how living in a place like this could leave one so mentally unhinged.  
Suddenly, a spike of pain shot through my skull. I clutched my head and moaned, waiting for the spontaneous headache to ebb away…

"So, here's how it's going to go: you disrespected me, so I'm going to kill you. Are you alright with that?"  
_What!? NO!_ I spun around, desperately searching for my captor; eventually I found her floating right above me… _Huh. Yukari Yakumo doesn't look quite as Asian as I was expecting. She seems more French at a glance._ "Have you considered that you may have gotten different results if you had actually introduced yourself?"  
"Who are you to argue about logic? You read the news, surfed the web. You've seen so many people complain about it, yet you were _still_ foolish enough to buy _Mass Effect 3_."  
I don't remember exactly what I said to defend my opinion of ME3 in the next few minutes after that, but I can vaguely recall a torrent of swears and noodle implements so outrageous, so vulgar, that even Jack would have cringed. "AND I DIDN'T EVEN _BUY_ THE FUCKING GAME! I _PIRATED_ IT!" I finished.  
Yukari's mouth was agape in surprise and shock. "Jesus Christ. And I thought Reimu could be obnoxious…"  
"Fuck you," I gasped as I leaned forward to catch my breath.

… _Oops. I just bad-mouthed a god, again._

Yukari's expression was unreadable. Just when I was sure that she would kill me then and there, she began to laugh.

Eventually, the laughter died down. Yukari looked at me again, smiling. "You've got guts, kid." The smile vanished. "But the fact remains that you attacked me, and for that you must be punished."  
"Hey, that's not fair! You approached me in my own home, without warning, and you expect me to let that slide? I was doing what any _sane_ human being would do in that same situation, unlike those dime-a-dozen pansies you ferry away to Gensokyo on a daily basis!"

A sharp stinging pain flared as Yukari lunged forward and whipped me in the face with something. As she floated back to her original position, I rubbed the cheek where she had struck me; my hand came away bloody.

Yukari concealed her face with her hand-fan, the bright-red of my blood staining the edges. "You're digging yourself deeper and deeper into your own grave, boy. The last person to badmouth me like this… Well, let's just say they're not going anywhere anytime soon." She gestured to the infinite expanse of her Void; among the many blood-red eyes staring into nothingness, sat a single sky-blue eye, its gaze darting to and fro, and doomed to gaze into the madness-inducing beyond until the end of time. The sight made my blood run cold.  
"But…" She rubbed the blood off the fan with a sleeve. "You've intrigued me. As such, I'll give you a choice: either I can kill you… or you can come with me to Gensokyo, see what it's like to live like one of those 'dime-a-dozen pansies' that you claim I use once and throw away like tissue paper."  
"That's not fair! I'm nowhere near fit to survive in Gensokyo. I could be killed!"  
"Life's not fair. Get used to it."  
"But what will everybody else think of this? I'm sure that this spiriting-away wasn't on your schedule. If Reimu were to see me and find out I don't fit your criteria for gappies, she'd _flip_! And the hakutaku would give you no end to trouble for having to clean up after me; I mean, you kidnapped a young in his own home, from a family with whom he was very close, and there's not a doubt in my mind that they will want to know where their little boy is!"  
Yukari twitched. "You know what? Fine, I'll take you somewhere where you can more easily adjust to Gensokyo during your stay, and while you're there I go around and sort things out with the relevant Gensokyans. Once I feel you've suffered enough for your misdeeds, you can return home, how's that?"  
_Well… I really _could_ die if I'm not cautious… but then, I'll die anyway if I refuse…_ "I suppose I have no other choice… Fine, when do we start this shit?"  
"Right now." A gap opened up beneath me, and I was dragged by an invisible force back into reality.

(Yasei: "Thinking what I'm thinking?" Lucy: "The very same thing." Both: "Darn/Fuck you, Yukari…")

XXXXX

I landed on my ass on a flat stone path. Offhandedly, I raised a hand to my cheek again. The cut must have been shallow, because it had already stopped bleeding. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a packet of tissues I'd been carrying on me for some reason, and used them to wipe my face and hands clean of blood, using a bit of my saliva to rub off any that had dried.

After taking a few minutes to wait out the pain and check that my tailbone wasn't broken, I got up and walked to the front door of the shrine in front of me. Before I could even knock, the screen slid open, revealing Sanae Kochiya standing before me. "Who are you?" She asked in much fractured English. I wasn't sure if it was a good sign that she knew I wasn't Japanese.  
"Luke Thesda." I introduced myself. "Are you Sanae?" I knew it was her, of course, but I wasn't sure if it was safe to expose my knowledge of Gensokyo just yet; best to wait until I could judge the extent of the population's self-awareness.

Sanae tried several times to say something, but her poor English failed to express cohesive thoughts. Finally, she sighed and whipped me over the head with her gohei.

For a split-second, I felt like my brain had just been thrown in a freezer. The sensation did _not_ complement my earlier brain-pains. "...Understand me now?" Sanae's English was now perfectly clear.  
"Damn it," I moaned, clutching my skull. First the sudden headache back in Yukari's void, and now this… "What did you do?"  
"Simple translation enchantment, you'll be able to understand anything said to you, regardless of the tongue in which it's spoken. It even translates different dialects, putting some otherwise-confusing statements into proper context. So, what are you doing at my shrine?"  
"Yukari brought me here. Would you mind if I stayed here for a while? I..." The ripping sound, that I could now identify as one of Yukari's gaps, filled the air, followed by a soft thump behind Sanae. We both looked back to find a pleasant surprise: an oversized duffel bag, the same one I often used to lug around my technology between places. Sanae stepped closer and unzipped the bag, revealing my favorite toys: my laptop, an Xbox 360, my Wii (which had been missing for months; how Yukari found it was beyond me… unless she stole it in the first place), a pair of DS consoles, and a small box containing all my games. In addition, all of the cables were neatly folded up and bagged in separate pouches.

On top of it all was a note written in both Kanji and English, probably for Sanae and me, respectively:

_Consider this a gesture of good faith on my part. This is the only place in Gensokyo with normal openly available AC adapters to plug things into, so you still have at least some ties to reality, and Sanae has a gaming buddy. –Yukari  
__P.S.: Make NO attempt at wooing Sanae. Bang that girl and the fury of the goddesses will make Yuuka look tame in comparison. Also don't worry about the porn stash on your laptop. Sanae's miracles don't extend to guessing passwords. Trust me, I checked._

(Yasei: "… Porn stash, Lucy…? I assume that's when you were Luke." Lucy: "Yeah…")

I was pretty sure Sanae would feel the same way about trying to make a move on her. I turned to Sanae to speak up when I noticed the wicked gleam in her eye. "When's the soonest you can get all of this set up?" She asked me excitedly.  
"It depends. Do you have a television?"  
"Of course, I'm not sure if it will work with this stuff, though. Let me check." She walked off into the back of the shrine. After a minute or so of very loud noise coming from the back room, she returned carrying a very bulky TV set, looking like it came from 2005 or so. "Is this any good?"  
"Yeah, that will do." I fumbled through my bag and produced a power strip to connect everything to a single port. I also produced a wireless modem… which I had never packed before. Attached to it was another note:

_Don't say I didn't think ahead. This modem is magically bound to Mayohiga, the space between Gensokyo and the real world, as well as my home. Your consoles should receive excellent reception as long as you stay in range. –Yukari_

(Yasei: "Still about that topic… Sanae's my love interest, you know." Lucy: "Wait, what?!")

"Pretty it up however she wants, it doesn't change the fact that I'm here against my will," I said, turning the router over in my hands and checking the access code.  
"Sounds like you're going to be staying in Gensokyo for quite a bit longer than you hoped. Let's focus on getting you settled in Gensokyo first, though. We can worry about Yukari-san when the time comes." Sanae set the TV down near the wall and plugged it into an AC dock. "Don't worry about shelter; I'll let you use my shrine as a 'base of operations' during your stay. Seeing as we both came here from the outside world, (_Huh, the wiki was right_, I thought. _I guess that explains why she's a tech nut._) you'll have someone you can confide in, at least partially. Just, try to stay away from Kanako-sama and Suwako-sama. I'm not sure how they'll react to an outsider in their place of worship."  
As much as I hated to admit it, Sanae was right. Now was _not_ the time to be moping about my situation. I had to adapt or die, and I had no intention of dying a virgin. "I suppose you've got the right idea. Do you know where I could get a decent tool for self-defense?"  
"Ah, ah, ah." Sanae held up my copy of _Halo 3_. "Kill aliens first, THEN we talk weapons."

I had a _long_ night ahead of me.

(Yasei: "Mind for some FPS match, Lucy? Lucy: (grins) "You're on, Wild-kun.")

AN: Whew… Some shit that Luke (Lucy) has gone through, isn't it? Mind you, since this story is originally published in 2013, I set the year Luke (Lucy) abducted by Yukari to HS 2013. HS as in Historia, as previously stated in Return of Blitzkrieg Gensokyo. It seems Savato93 rates The Outsider as M, so I also follow his footstep as respect. Oh, Luke (Lucy) was wearing glasses here, for your info. This is a republished story, so the changes will be minor. Bear with me, since for this case I might need a lot of reviews, not kidding. Anyway, here is the first chapter. Let me know what you think, now that this story has been republished.


End file.
